Divenire

Half a year ago, I became a Mrs. I can't believe we're already half-way through "our first year," which most claim to be the hardest year of marriage. I can see that, but I also see how joyful and incredible it can be.With all the adventures, high and low points, failures and triumphs, I still find myself awed into silence when I consider this man who is my husband. He is patient, kind, fun-loving, adventurous, strong, and insightful. No matter how many times I break down into tears over homesickness, or lose my temper over something gone wrong, he is ever faithful in holding me, loving me, and reminding me, "I didn't just marry the happy you."

On our wedding day, I walked down the aisle to "Divenire" by Ludovico Einaudi not only because I LOVE the beauty and majestic swell of this song, but because of the very title: Divenire means Becoming. On that day, I was becoming a wife. I was becoming one with the love of my life. I was leaving behind my old life and my maiden name in order to become something new.

Six months later, I find myself still very much moved by this song. Not only does it remind me of that most sacred day of my life, but also who I am becoming. I'm realizing that "becoming a west-coast woman" means more than figuring out all the nuances of "Seattlite living" (which route to take to avoid tolls, which grocery store has the cheapest produce, how to navigate the bus system, where to find great coffee). It's an adjustment to the rainy winters and springs. It's learning to see the sunshine in my husband, when the days seem too grey. Many times, I've referred to my husband as a moon, reflecting the Son.  I want to become more like him, like Jesus Christ, whom he reflects.

I have so much more to learn. And there are days when I feel so overwhelmed by this reality. Becoming someone's wife and a member of the independent, adult world is difficult. The challenges arise from day to day--sometimes as small as deciding what to make for dinner, other times as big as dealing with personality differences. But do you know what I hear in the refrain of Einaudi's song? Grow. Burgeon. Learn. Change. Become who God created you to be. That's why I chose it for my bridal procession.

We're weaving together the separate threads of our lives. It's a process. Difficult, yes. But full of blessing. My husband takes me as I am, "in laughter and tears," as we vowed. But for him, I want to become better, more the woman God wants me to be, the best Christlike wife I can be. My new motto, on this half-year anniversary: Ogni giorno, divenire. (Every day, become.)

Go Figure

I'm having one of those days where I realize, too late, that I've missed so many prime opportunities. This morning I found the perfect song for our winter wedding that I should have used sometime in the day. I turned down a perfectly good job offer that I should have taken, because now I can't get another anywhere else. I had this brilliant entrepreneur idea that would utilize my talents, skills, and passions all in one, only to find someone else had the idea first. And they implemented it so well that I don't think I can make my service/product any better or different. If only I'd had this idea two years ago, I would have been the only person (at least in what is available online) to be offering a similar product. I should have been more proactive in my ideas and job search.

But, as my Dad so wisely reminds me, "Don't should on yourself!" Thank you, Dad. It's just so disheartening to find out, too late, something that could have changed your life has passed you by. Well, on a positive note, I'm glad I seized the opportunity to go to a college in Pennsylvania, to meet my Washingtonian husband there, and to enter a long-distance relationship even though it's a tough thing. But I give God the credit for those "opportunities." They were very well orchestrated by the Master. And I know He has all of these disappointed hopes under control. I'm just learning how to take the seesaw ride of thinking you've found your purpose/goal/right thing only to find you were wrong. Mind you, that's after you've wasted hours, perhaps even days (or in my case, weeks and months) thinking about and preparing to take the leap. Go figure!