The past three months have flown by! Babymoon trip, baby showers, family reunions, freelance work, birth class, summer fun with friends, and nesting...oh sweet mercy, has there been nesting. On top of that, hot weather like I've never known in the Pacific Northwest. It's made for particularly speedy second and third trimesters. Most days, anyway.
Now that we've entered the last month of pregnancy, the weight of new parenthood is settling in even more. I find myself mulling over things like pediatricians, labor techniques, and drafting a will. While all the "fun things" are getting finishing touches--the nursery, baby laundry, hospital bags, her name, etc.--the not-so-fun choices and tasks are looming before me. When I cross one thing off the list (e.g. organize baby's closet), two more things take its place (e.g. add baby to insurance policy & interview pediatricians)...each seemingly more time-consuming and complex than the last.
I've had a few days where I've dissolved into tears. Other days, I go about my business with calm, confident determination. It's a roller coaster for sure.
Before you conclude that I'm a frazzled, overwhelmed, overly anxious mama-to-be, let's be clear. There's much more to the story. I've longed for mommyhood! Super Husband and I are excited to have our daughter join our family! Ask us if we have everything we need to welcome baby and we'll enthusiastically reply, "Yes! And more!" We'll tell you how God has provided beyond our wildest hopes.
And we'll also be real about our initial reactions to the realities of parenthood.
That's what this is, right here. I'm realizing just how many decisions and how much cost (and not just the financial type) is involved in raising a human being. It sure beats adopting a pet, choosing a college, buying a house, or establishing a livelihood. It's way beyond any life change I've experienced so far, even marriage, because her very survival seems to rest on our shoulders!
I say "seems" because there's something else I've been learning recently:
Her life, her growth, her sustenance...EVERYTHING about this beloved child rests on the unwavering, utterly reliable shoulders of an Almighty God!
Sweet relief! Sweet hope! It lifts the pressure, waives the anxiety, and frees my heart to honestly trust Him. To praise Him for what He does and who He is. These past eight months were only possible through Him. Just like this final push.
I've said it before, and I'll say it til I'm blue in the face: God has a plan for our daughter and only He orchestrates her future. We'll do our best--by His grace and with His help--to be the loving, guiding, and nurturing influence on her life that He's called us to be.
I'm reminding myself of these facts throughout all the decision-making and tasks of third trimester. I'm being transparent with you when I say it's pretty easy to slip back into thinking we're the ones who are making all this happen on our own. To feel like we've got some semblance of control. I'm grateful for the truth-telling of my brothers and sisters in Christ, their encouragement to see this whole thing rightly. And I find much-needed peace and rest in the knowledge and experience of God's unfailing faithfulness to us.
It's a bit gross (sorry) but I keep getting the image of of what it was like when my mom held my hair back and supported my body as I got sick as a girl. She softly reassured, "Mama's got you. It's okay. Mama's got you."
Now as I prepare for this final push and most likely the hardest thing my body has ever done, I keep hearing it over and over: "Jesus has got you. It's okay. He's got you."
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