Open Hands

Here we are! A new year, a new baby on the way (more on that subject once things have settled with my firstborn), and a new chapter in our daughter's health. But like most New Year's resolutions, this next chapter requires work. Thankfully, Lyla has been UTI-free for months now, but her latest scans showed no improvement in her VUR. So...surgery at last.

I've had months to imagine my daughter's face as they put her under anesthesia, and the scar on her previously flawless belly. I've watched her wonderful personality grow and hate the thought of her not being able to understand or be naturally unafraid of what's coming. I've witnessed God's strength holding me up and helping me make the decisions that led us here. As we "be the parents," do our best to keep calm and work with Lyla's medical team, I know that will only be possible through the prayers of the Church and God's help...

...Because a weak part of me just wants to curl up and cry, to NOT have my daughter's little, perfect body cut open, the body I grew inside me and worked so hard to care for these past 17 1/2 months. Even though the reasonable side of me knows this will help her keep growing into the sweet girl we know and love, I still wish it didn't have to happen. I still pray for miraculous healing, right alongside prayers for a smooth procedure, easy recovery, and--above all--for God to be glorified through all of it: our interactions with staff and other patients/families, our girl's loving heart exemplified in how she responds to us and cares for her baby doll, and our inexplicable peace that (Lord willing) will radiate from us as we wait and during her hospital stay.

Humbly, I ask you to pray for those things too. It doesn't matter how "routine" or "common" a procedure or condition is; I realize now just how taxing it can be on the parents of these little ones. You're required to be strong, calm and collected, providing comfort and care for your child while watching them go through things that seem so scary and far beyond their short years.

Maybe I'm super sensitive (not to mention, pregnancy hormones!) and that's why I find this so emotional and hard. I am comforted by the thought that she's too young to remember any of it. But I won't quickly forget. I'm anxious to have, at least, this challenge behind us, though many may lie ahead. (Did I mention her siblings have a 30% chance of the same condition? Fun times.)

We'll do our best to make the hospital stay "comfortable" for her, then all that's left is the home care and the residual appointments--drainage-tube removal, outpatient procedure to remove a stent (less intricate than the surgery, but still requires anesthesia), and one or two scans to confirm everything is fixed. It's the beginning of "the end," my friends!

It's just another chance to practice what I believe about holding everything with OPEN HANDS before God. My husband and my children--more precious to me than my own life--are His first and mine second. I have the privilege of loving and caring for them on this earth, but all power and authority over their lives (and my own) belongs to God. And I trust Him. I know He won't let me break under the weight of neither this, nor any other hard times that will come. And that's one of the greatest comforts.

My theme song of 2017: "Open Hands" by Laura Story (feat. Mac Powell)